Silently I stumble, through dark and distant night
Quietly I wonder, if through the tears I might
Find a place where I can be, no longer cold and scared
Where my dreams might become real, my voice finally heard
Push back the tears that try so hard to press upon my cheek
Alone I fight to find the strength to make it through the week
No helping had to lift me up when lifes’ weight presses down
I fight the tide to take a breath, I struggle not to drown
Alone am I but fighting hard Ill press against the throng
To be the better person though the world might do me wrong
So pity not my solitude nor worry ’bout my plight
Ill fight the fight till fighting done and see this life done right


Looking back at what has past
I see where I have been
I see the pain and suffering
The broken distraught scene
I feel the pain that once I felt
I see the sorrowed eyes
The emptiness and and hollow soul
The anguish in the cries
But now much more than ever since
I feel the strength within
The hunger slowly seeping back
The fortitude to win
No more the sad an lonely man
That once wandered alone
I rise anew from suffering
I make a stand I strike a pose
Take pride in pain I’ve known
No more a broken soul you see
No sadness in these eyes
But slowly gaining back my strength
I Pledge once more to rise

My story

Yes I have depression
But I’m not depressed
I may well be tired
But I need no rest
I say I’m fine
And I’m not lying
I do feel sad
But I’m not crying
Sure I may smile
Whilst inside I weep
I may go to bed
And fail to sleep
See I’ve got depression
But I’m not depressed,
Its only half my story,
Lets get on and write the rest


Smiling I remember, the way she wears her hair
How she smooths her skirt down as she gets up from her chair
The sparkle in her dark eyes, and her teeth so pearly white
The magic and the sparkle in her smile so bright
Despite my efforts not to, I’m drawn to her each day
To hear her voice, to see her smile, find an excuse to stay
Maybe she already knows, perhaps she’s realised
That she’s put a spell on me, but then that’s no surprise
The music in her laughter, and the smell of her perfume
Would turn the head of any man and dominate the room
But dream to dream is all this is. there is no place to go
So I’ll just sit and think of her, but never let her know


So here’s the truth
It’s not so sad
There is no good
Without the bad
There is no black
Without the white
There is no darkness
Without light
So when you feel
The days too long
And all events
Are going wrong
Remember this
Its oh so true
All things good
Will come to you


Don’t hide yourself away my dear
Don’t hide yourself away
Cross you heart and hope to die
That’s what they used to say
Ponder not the past my friend
Nor worry what might be
Do your best today my friend
We’ll see what we shall see
Regret not what might have been
If only you had said
The words or deeds you should have done
Will just mess with your head
Be true and love yourself my love
And what will be will be
Live your life in peace and joy
And please remember me

Its been a while

It’s been a while since last I saw
you walk into this place
I haven’t had the chance to say
I love to see your face
And time goes by, I try to think
Of ways to make you see
There’s so much more that I can give
just take a chance on me
I love to see the sparkling light
That dances in your eyes
The way your laughter captures me
Your warm smile like sunrise
It’s been a while since last I had
The chance to say your name
I wonder of you think of me
And if you feel the same

Alone in a crowd

I’m in the group but make no sound
I stand alone in jovial crowd
I struggle for the words to say
So quietly watch the world at play
And as I watch and see the throng
I know not how I should belong
I’ll try again another day
I’ll find the words I need to say
I’ll find my place and join the crew
And finally dance all night with you

Silly old fool

I’m a silly old fool
It has to be said
These daft idea
That pop into my head
I’ll fly to moon
On a bright blue kite
Or travel the world
On the seat of a bike
But there’s once dream
That may come true
It’s dream about me
And a dream about you
The places well see
In far away lands
The walks that we’ll take
As we shyly hold hands
The talks that we’ll have
The kisses we’ll share
The people may look
And we just wont care
I’m a silly old fool
As I said at the start
But ill still dream of you
You’re here in my heart

sunday 25th October

This was a pretty good, weekend, after a pretty good week.

I feel like i turned a corner and feel good for it, the bitterness is less invasive. There is no annoyance but a resignation that, I will do all i can go my boy and what ever else happens is all good

I’m happier.

I feel more together, and I have made a pact with my self to be better, every day.
I will not get annoyed at things I cannot control, i will either control them or let them go. There are, I believe, still some amazing people out there and I intend to try and be one of them.

I have in the past, not too distant past if I’m truthful, allowed things to spill out into my present. But i noticed that this was not a good look, and was apparent it was making the wrong impression. when events presented themselves to show that the situation was nto going to chance by itself, I changed it. it really was that easy.

Tomorrow will be a good day because for the first time in a while, I feel like I have some control.

I have no idea why. or maybe I do, maybe I’m just in a better place with better people. maybe I get to start over. I guess its kinda up to me